The Lesson of Avraham and Sarah's Marriage: How Sharing and Pursuing Mutual Goals Builds Love

In parshat Chayei Sarah, Avraham approaches Efron to purchase a plot to bury his wife, Sarah. Avraham states: "Ach im ata lu shemayni, natati kesef hasadeh kach mimeni... - If you will but listen to me, I am giving you coins for the field, take them from me..." (23:13) - on which the gemara (Kiddushin 2a) comments: from here we learn that the word "kicha" refers to an acquisition using money as consideration ("ein kicha ela b'kesef").

Famously, this exegesis has practical significance in the realm of contracting marriages. Commenting on the pasuk "ki yikach ish isha" in parshat Ki Tetzei (24:1), the gemara (Kiddushin 4b) refers back to the aforementioned pasuk from Chayei Sarah (teaching that "ein kicha ela b'kesef"), and concludes that a marriage may be consummated using money (or an object of monetary value) ("isha nikneit b'kesef").

Unfortunately, the use of the term "acquisition" to describe the contracting of a marriage has been the source of much misunderstanding among those unfamiliar with the Torah's view of marriage. As we will see, the use of the phrase "kicha" to describe the consummation of a marriage alludes to the potential within marriage for the deepest levels of love and friendship.