The Lesson of Avraham and Sarah's Marriage: How Sharing and Pursuing Mutual Goals Builds Love

In parshat Chayei Sarah, Avraham approaches Efron to purchase a plot to bury his wife, Sarah. Avraham states: "Ach im ata lu shemayni, natati kesef hasadeh kach mimeni... - If you will but listen to me, I am giving you coins for the field, take them from me..." (23:13) - on which the gemara (Kiddushin 2a) comments: from here we learn that the word "kicha" refers to an acquisition using money as consideration ("ein kicha ela b'kesef").

Famously, this exegesis has practical significance in the realm of contracting marriages. Commenting on the pasuk "ki yikach ish isha" in parshat Ki Tetzei (24:1), the gemara (Kiddushin 4b) refers back to the aforementioned pasuk from Chayei Sarah (teaching that "ein kicha ela b'kesef"), and concludes that a marriage may be consummated using money (or an object of monetary value) ("isha nikneit b'kesef").

Unfortunately, the use of the term "acquisition" to describe the contracting of a marriage has been the source of much misunderstanding among those unfamiliar with the Torah's view of marriage. As we will see, the use of the phrase "kicha" to describe the consummation of a marriage alludes to the potential within marriage for the deepest levels of love and friendship.

Bris Milah in Lech Lecha: Avraham's Transmission of a Spiritual Inheritance to Yitzchak

In Parshat Lech Lecha we learn that Avraham performed the mitzvah of bris mila at age ninety nine (99) following Hashem's command to do so (17:24). In Parperaot L'Torah, R' Menachem Baker asks why Avraham did not fulfill the mitzvah of mila earlier according to the opinion that Avraham voluntarily kept all of the mitzvot in the Torah (see Toldos 26:5; Yoma 28b; though not all commentators agree). R' Baker cites an explanation from R' Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik (Rav "Velvel" - son of R' Chaim) that Avraham kept all of the mitzvot according to the principle "zerizim makdimim l'mitzvot", but since mila is characterized as a "brit" - a covenant between man and Hashem - and a covenant (by definition) requires two parties - it was impossible for Avraham to observe this mitzvah prior to Hashem's explicit command.

That is, the essence of the mitzvah of "brit" mila, as the very name of the mitzvah conveys, is a "brit" - covenant - between a Jew and Hashem, and this essential "covenantal" aspect would be missing had Avraham independently performed mila without the participation of the other "party" to the covenant - i.e., Hashem (it has been noted that the word "bris" (covenant) appears 13 times in the verses in Bereishit that introduce this mitzvah).

I want to suggest another possible explanation for the delay in Avraham's performance of mitzvat bris milah.