The Secret to a Happy Marriage Embedded in a Gematria

In parshat Vayetzei (28:19), Yaakov names the location of his dream - "Beit El - the house of G-d," which happens to be the future site of the Beis Hamikdash. 

In Yeshaya (2:3), the navi prophesizes that in the end of days (acharit hayamim), the nations of the world shall say, "Let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the G-d of Yaakov."

On which the gemara in Pesachim (88a) asks, why only a reference to the "G-d of Yaakov," and not also the G-d of Avraham and Yitzchak?

The answer given is that while Avraham referred to the site of the Beis Hamikdash as a "har" (mountain) and Yitzchak referred to it as a "sadeh" (field), it was only Yaakov who referred to it as a "bayit" (a home).

To which the Torah Temimah adds that use of the phrase "bayit" to describe the "Beit Hamikdash" aptly identifies the nature of the relationship between Hashem and Am Yisroel as analogous to that of a husband and wife - just as spouses build a close, intimate relationship within the confines of their "bayit" - their home - so too, the Beis Hamikdash is the "bayit" through which Hashem builds an intimate relationship with Am Yisroel - a relationship based on love (see further discussion here regarding the analogy of the Hashem/Am Yisrael and marital relationships). In contrast, the word "har" symbolizes Hashem's more distant relationship with the other nations (one more based on "fear" than "love" - as per Avraham's reference to the location of the Beit Hamikdash as "behar Hashem yay'raeh" (Bereshit 22:14)).

Further validating the analogy, the Torah Temimah observes that the Talmud frequently refers to the wife as the "bayit" - the foundation of the home (example: Shabbos 118b where R' Yochanan is said to have referred to his wife as "my house" because she was the mainstay of his home).

Which brings me to an interesting gematria that further develops the Torah Temima's point (at least with respect to the marital relationship).

In parshat Bereshit (2:24), following the creation of woman from man, the Torah states, "Al kein ya'azav ish et aviv v'et imo v'davak b'ishto v'hayu l'basar echad - therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife and they shall be as single body."

The word "isha" in gematria is 306 (aleph, shin, heh - 1+300+5).

The word "bayit" is 412 (beit, yud, taf - 2+10+400).

The numerical difference between the two words is 106 (412-306).

What is the gematria of "davak" (appearing in the pasuk above)? dalet, beit, kuf is...106 (4+2+100).

So what the Torah is clearly teaching us (that is, the men) is that if you want to build a "bayit ne'eman" - a solid Torah home and happy marriage - then you must "cleave" to your wife. A husband who cleaves to his wife will find that she reciprocates by establishing a strong home that is an oasis of tranquility to which he can retreat from the harsh realities of the outside world, and find intimacy, love, support and understanding.

So how does one "cleave"? The best example in Tanach is that of Ruth about whom is said that she "cleaved" to her mother-in-law, Naomi. And in that story, the Tanach elaborates that Ruth told Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17).

Wherever thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. thy people shall be my people, and thy G-d, my G-d; where thou diest, I will die and there I will be buried...but death part you and me.

These loyal words sound very much like the secrets to a happy marriage we discussed only recently - namely mutual support in the pursuit of shared goals - that is, be each other's best friend - see further discussion here. But what is amazing is that all of the concepts discussed in that prior post are captured in 3 words - isha, davak and bayit (as per gematria above).